Dear Mr. Matt Murphy of the MBNA Bank,
Thank you very much for taking the time to personally address a mass-mailer advert letter to both my wife and I. We feel honoured that your system has taken the time to identify us specifically for the bounty you believe us worthy of. We are even touched by the miniature credit card sticker you provide for us to affix to our application for your revered service. We also appreciate the fact that you have sent us this letter every month in case we have previously missed it.
Some advice to marketers: although your analytics suggest you know everything about me, do not for a moment believe that by putting my name on something I will feel more inclined to purchase your product. Also, if I didn’t buy it the first time, I probably won’t the second, third, or tenth time you try. You eventually begin sounding like the children in the back of the car asking “are we there yet?” for the ten thousandth time. Eventually, the answer will be an exasperated “No! I will never, ever buy your product.”
Now please, stop sending me letters, and save a few trees. Heavens knows the planet needs those more than it needs your credit cards right now.